Written By: Seren Moran, Clinical Trainee at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program
IN EVERY GENERATION,parents encounter new topics and behaviors from their children that may feel unfamiliar or challenging. Many of us can remember moments when we tried to explain our perspective to our parents, hoping to be understood. And yet, when we step into the role of parenthood ourselves, new issues inevitably arise that stretch beyond our comfort zone or knowledge base. For today’s parents, one of those topics may be Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM).
While not new, and not unique to this generation, CNM is gaining visibility among young adults as a viable relationship structure. Research suggests that about one in five people in the U.S. have engaged in a CNM relationship (Alarie, 2023). Despite its growing popularity, CNM remains heavily stigmatized and misunderstood. For parents, whether you have already heard this term – or are curious and want to prepare for future discussions – learning about CNM can help move toward inclusive and collaborative conversations when the topic arises.
What is consensual non-monogamy (CNM)? CNM refers to any intimate relationship in which all partners willfully agree to engage with more than one other person (Balzarini & Muise, 2020). The non-exclusivity of this intimacy can be emotional, sexual, or both, and it may involve temporary or ongoing connections. Three common forms of CNM relationships are open relationships, swinging, and polyamory. Open relationships refer to couples who consent to connections with outside partners. Swinging typically refers to couples who engage in intimate experiences with others in social settings (Rubel & Bogaert, 2015). Polyamory can be practiced in many ways but typically involves multiple relationships and the consent to love more than one partner (Scoats & Campbell).
Since CNM challenges the cultural norm of monogamy, myths and stigma often impact how these relationship structures are discussed which can create tension for a young person who wants to discuss this topic up at home. Some common misconceptions are that CNM relationships are less safe and less satisfying. Additionally, research shows that relationship length of those in CNM relationships is equal to that of people in monogamous relationships (Fitzgerald, 2017). Many CNM relationships maintain core values of trust and respect.
Approaching this topic with curiosity and openness will allow space for dialogue with children who are exploring diverse relationship structures.
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References
Alarie, M. (2023). Family and consensual non‐monogamy: Parents’ perceptions of benefits and challenges. Journal of Marriage and Family, 86(2). https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12955]
Balzarini, R. N., & Muise, A. (2020). Beyond the Dyad: a Review of the Novel Insights Gained From Studying Consensual Non-monogamy. Current Sexual Health Reports, 12(4), 398–404. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-020-00297-x
Conley, T. D., Piemonte, J. L., Gusakova, S., & Rubin, J. D. (2018). Sexual satisfaction among individuals in monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships. Journal of Social and Personal
Fitzgerald, J. (2017). Foundations for Couples’ Therapy. Routledge.
Relationships, 35(4), 509–531. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517743078
Rubel, A. N., & Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Consensual Nonmonogamy: Psychological Well-Being and Relationship Quality Correlates. Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.942722
Scoats, R., & Campbell, C. (2022). What do we know about Consensual Non-monogamy? Current Opinion in Psychology, 48(48), 101468. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101468
